mayflowers

"Do you know what I think Mayflowers are, Marilla? I think they must be the souls of the flowers that died last summer, and this is their heaven."
 anne with an 'e'

may days

Spring is strong and virtuous,
Broad-sowing, cheerful, plenteous,
Quickening underneath the mould
Grains beyond the price of gold.
So deep and large her bounties are,
That one broad, long midsummer day
Shall to the planet overpay
The ravage of a year of war.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson --


My May so far has consisted of weekends spent out in the warm, yet delightfully breezy, weather. As I am still trying to finish of my school year, I try to content myself on weekdays with an open window and the delightful scent of lilacs in full bloom. It encourages me to push on, just a little longer.

Amid soaking up all the sunshine I can & my busy schedule, I have neglected this little blog of mine. It is not that I have nothing to say... it's just that all my thoughts are jumbled up inside my head. At the end of the day, when all is quiet I have a couple of moments just to myself, I am just too exhausted to start untangling them. I have so much to say & yet I feel I can't.

When words fail... photographs take over. It is amazing how much of my emotions and feelings go into my photography. I want my blog to be real and, for the time being, if the only way I can share what I truly feel is with photo essays, then so be it. I am tired of writing posts full of words but empty in feeling.

For the following month, I will be sharing my heart in photographs, quotes, & handfuls of words. No lengthy paragraphs, just captured emotions & words that inspire. Just me & my heart.

hugs,
e

what if we all told the truth

Let's be honest. Perfect lives don't exist. There is no such thing as a perfect person living a perfect life in a perfect house with a perfect family & perfect friends. Even if someone's life seems perfect to us, it isn't. We all have faults & struggles & maybe some things we aren't too proud to admit. We all know that. And yet... we tend to forget.

Sometimes we look around & think, "Oh, look at those people! Wow. They are so amazing & the total best at (insert word here). And they have such great things going on. It's like... their lives are perfection itself! I sure wish my life was as great. But that's never going to happen. Hmm... maybe I'll just sit here & pretend I have a better & greater life even when I don't, & maybe I'll be able to make everyone believe that too, & maybe, just maybe, my pretend life will become real & everything will finally be perfect & I'll be SO happy! This is going to be great!"

Okay, so first off, I can't blog about or write about what my life is actually like because everyone will find out I'm a fake. Nope. Can't have that happening. Maybe I'll just post pretty pictures & occasionally pretty words & stuff. Mmhm, yes. Also, under no circumstances can I post on controversial topics or really anything that's on my mind because... what if... someone gets offended. Ahhh, noooo!!! Or maybe they won't... but they still might disagree. And they might unfollow my blog. And the little number on the little widget on my sidebar is going to decrease. I CANNOT have that. BIG disaster if that happens. I will not be able to stand it. Nope, better stay on the safe side. Okay, yes. Stick to pretty words. Yup. Good. This is good. Awesome plan. Let's do this!"

Sound familiar? If you're honest, you'll probably answer yes. And I'm going to be honest with you right now & say 'yes' too. It is true, my thoughts have often wandered in a very similar direction. And I admit that not because I'm happy, or proud of it, or even want to admit it. I'm saying it simply because of the fact that it's true. It is. I have often, in the past, used the Internet & my blog to hide what my life is truly like, to wish all the struggles I have away & just be a perfect me. Or rather, a perfect imitation of the perfect me I envision.

Well, I don't want that ever to be the case ever again. I want to be honest. I want to be honest about my life & my thoughts & my dreams. Are you with me? Honesty takes courage. It takes courage to expose & show what you really are... different.

Different. That big scary word. Why is it so scary? Maybe it's because of the lie that's floating around, trying to convince people that different is bad. Very bad. Why? Well, we might be hated for being different. But really? Should that bother us? Jesus was hated for being different, for not sticking with the crowd. He was even beaten & humiliated & put on a cross. And why did He do that? For us. He died the death we were supposed to die. HE DIED FOR US. Just think about that for a moment.

Did it sink in yet? You were lying if you answered yes. It can never ever sink in. EVER. We can't even begin to comprehend it all. Now think about that. Think about how totally pathetic & irrational your fear of being different is compared to all that. Someone died for you & you are scared of being honest about yourself? And you hide behind a fake version of your life? Really? Wow... to what depths we have fallen.

Have you ever thought of how drastically the blogging world, & the world in general, would be affected if we were all simply honest? Admitted to our imperfection, instead of living behind a fake curtain of perfection? Admitted to our faults & failures & struggles? What if we all told the truth?